Something I have been working on for the past week is my sleeping pattern. I am sick of going to bed at 11pm, not falling asleep until after 2am, only to wake up between noon and 3pm. Even on morning I have to be up for something and force myself....I still only get a couple hours and do NOT feel so great. This screwed up sleeping cycle of mine used to be under control and I slept great, but since a short time before the Big Move here I have been having some troubles...here's why:
For the last 8 years of my life I have been struggling with a dependency, maybe some would call it an addiction, to sleeping pills. Go look up Platte Canyon High School shooting and you will see where it all started. No, I was not in the classroom. I was in that class and would have been had I not been out sick, but I did not have to face him. My "Older Sister" was however, and my little sister was in the next room. Also, the girl who died? We had a long, love/hate relationship. We weren't super close or anything, but it still hurts me to know she died. Anyway, after that day came the nightmares. Bad enough I did not want to sleep. I had what some people call "survivor's guilt", but the dreams were not just about that day, but some other messed up shit that I am not going into right now...it all mixed together. I stayed awake for three nights, and when my mother found out, she gave me some over the counter sleep aid. It worked. I did not dream either. So I kept taking them....until the normal dosage stopped working, then I took more. See the pattern here? Later on I would go weeks, even a few months with out taking them. Then came the day I realized I had to stop, they were making me sick and had stopped helping anyway. So, I got myself into a little support group, worked with my doctor. Got myself completely off the habit. Yay Sam! Except....I sort of took a fall off that proverbial wagon back in December of this year. Working on resisting that crap all over again, and of course my sleep is affected. Sleeping pills are not crack, heroin, or marijuana. But you can become dependent on them just as much as any other drug. They can do all sorts of nasty crap to your body, even kill you....and can cause weight gain because if you take them too often or take too many, you feel sluggish and have too low of energy to do anything worthwhile. I am not saying sleeping pills made me fat, but they sure as heck have not helped. I haven't taken any in a few weeks now. But I want to go ahead and mark TODAY as the day I vow not buy (or be given) another sleep aid. Just one of the many changes I am making in my life to become the healthier, happier woman I know is here....somewhere....can't wait to meet her.
So, there ya go. My first Blog Confession. Out there for the world to see and judge. I am letting this go and will not be shamed for it. Oh...and to anyone reading this who feels like they might have a problem? Send me a message from the CONTACT page okay? Or, even better, talk to your doctor, best friend, parent, spouse....whoever. Just reach out and get some help okay? Google it, sleeping pills can cause some serious health issues. Even if it is not sleeping pills, but something else...the first step is reaching out.
Oh, and guess what? I was up and awake, actually feeling refreshed at 9:00 this morning. So the plan for today is to be as active as possible and go to bed before 10pm.
For the last 8 years of my life I have been struggling with a dependency, maybe some would call it an addiction, to sleeping pills. Go look up Platte Canyon High School shooting and you will see where it all started. No, I was not in the classroom. I was in that class and would have been had I not been out sick, but I did not have to face him. My "Older Sister" was however, and my little sister was in the next room. Also, the girl who died? We had a long, love/hate relationship. We weren't super close or anything, but it still hurts me to know she died. Anyway, after that day came the nightmares. Bad enough I did not want to sleep. I had what some people call "survivor's guilt", but the dreams were not just about that day, but some other messed up shit that I am not going into right now...it all mixed together. I stayed awake for three nights, and when my mother found out, she gave me some over the counter sleep aid. It worked. I did not dream either. So I kept taking them....until the normal dosage stopped working, then I took more. See the pattern here? Later on I would go weeks, even a few months with out taking them. Then came the day I realized I had to stop, they were making me sick and had stopped helping anyway. So, I got myself into a little support group, worked with my doctor. Got myself completely off the habit. Yay Sam! Except....I sort of took a fall off that proverbial wagon back in December of this year. Working on resisting that crap all over again, and of course my sleep is affected. Sleeping pills are not crack, heroin, or marijuana. But you can become dependent on them just as much as any other drug. They can do all sorts of nasty crap to your body, even kill you....and can cause weight gain because if you take them too often or take too many, you feel sluggish and have too low of energy to do anything worthwhile. I am not saying sleeping pills made me fat, but they sure as heck have not helped. I haven't taken any in a few weeks now. But I want to go ahead and mark TODAY as the day I vow not buy (or be given) another sleep aid. Just one of the many changes I am making in my life to become the healthier, happier woman I know is here....somewhere....can't wait to meet her.
So, there ya go. My first Blog Confession. Out there for the world to see and judge. I am letting this go and will not be shamed for it. Oh...and to anyone reading this who feels like they might have a problem? Send me a message from the CONTACT page okay? Or, even better, talk to your doctor, best friend, parent, spouse....whoever. Just reach out and get some help okay? Google it, sleeping pills can cause some serious health issues. Even if it is not sleeping pills, but something else...the first step is reaching out.
Oh, and guess what? I was up and awake, actually feeling refreshed at 9:00 this morning. So the plan for today is to be as active as possible and go to bed before 10pm.