So, a few days ago I ended up in the emergency room. Not for a bad fall or any kind of accident, but because the pain in my lower back started shooting down my legs and causing me to have several incidents where I could not walk or stand. I fell a few times before learning to recognize what was happening and started being able to grab onto things or set myself down before falling. My husband finally convinced me to go in and we spent all morning and a good part of the afternoonLandstuhl dealing with doctors, nurses, x-ray techs, and finally the pharmacy. I was told a follow up must be made as soon as possible with my PCM to talk about the x-rays. The doctor explained that I could have a pinched nerve or something may be wrong with one (or more) of the disks in my lower back; and that I should hope that it is the first scenario because the second would require surgery. I was given narcotics, a muscle relaxer, a steroid packet, and a pill to help me should any of these things cause me to become constipated.
I am feeling better and have not had any more falls, but I feel incredibly tired and dizzy most of the day. My sleep schedule is pretty much shot to hell and I have not been doing much of any kind of exercise. I nearly fainted from just a trip to the freaking Commissary for crying out loud! And you want to know the part that has me so angry? This is not the first time I have started trying to get fit and lose weight, only to have something cause me to fail. By the time I am all rested up and feeling like getting back into it, I have to start all over and have completely undone all my previous progress. Which leads to discouragement and giving up.
You see, it's like I am at war with my own body....and my body is winning. So it boils down to my having two choices: give up, and let this simply be my life and my body; or, give my inner and past demons the finger and fight like hell through the pain and WIN! My first option would be easy, the second would become a series of battles with my own body. I would have to place myself under very strict doctor's care and use a variety of weapons...some of which I do not yet know what they will be. But I don't care, because damnit this is MY body, MY life! I am so tired of letting the demons of my past continue to hold so much of me. (Besides, a lot of the health issues I have could be cleared up or at least lessened by weight loss). I am taking back my body for ME! (figure out which option I am choosing yet?) I probably won't win every battle, and there will be days I will want to give up. But ultimately I won't do that, and I will win this personal war of mine. Not just for me, but for my family and for my friends. For those who support me and love me whether I am fit or fat.
I know this post sounds a little dramatic, but it is a matter of life and death here. I need to lose this weight, I need to take my body back, or I won't be able to live as long as I would like to. I won't be able to enjoy life as much as I want to. There you have it: my own, personal declaration of war; wish me luck guys and galls. Love you all and I hope you continue to support and love me through this difficult journey.
on I am feeling better and have not had any more falls, but I feel incredibly tired and dizzy most of the day. My sleep schedule is pretty much shot to hell and I have not been doing much of any kind of exercise. I nearly fainted from just a trip to the freaking Commissary for crying out loud! And you want to know the part that has me so angry? This is not the first time I have started trying to get fit and lose weight, only to have something cause me to fail. By the time I am all rested up and feeling like getting back into it, I have to start all over and have completely undone all my previous progress. Which leads to discouragement and giving up.
You see, it's like I am at war with my own body....and my body is winning. So it boils down to my having two choices: give up, and let this simply be my life and my body; or, give my inner and past demons the finger and fight like hell through the pain and WIN! My first option would be easy, the second would become a series of battles with my own body. I would have to place myself under very strict doctor's care and use a variety of weapons...some of which I do not yet know what they will be. But I don't care, because damnit this is MY body, MY life! I am so tired of letting the demons of my past continue to hold so much of me. (Besides, a lot of the health issues I have could be cleared up or at least lessened by weight loss). I am taking back my body for ME! (figure out which option I am choosing yet?) I probably won't win every battle, and there will be days I will want to give up. But ultimately I won't do that, and I will win this personal war of mine. Not just for me, but for my family and for my friends. For those who support me and love me whether I am fit or fat.
I know this post sounds a little dramatic, but it is a matter of life and death here. I need to lose this weight, I need to take my body back, or I won't be able to live as long as I would like to. I won't be able to enjoy life as much as I want to. There you have it: my own, personal declaration of war; wish me luck guys and galls. Love you all and I hope you continue to support and love me through this difficult journey.